Lying about an annulment, a secret sex tape and pros and cons list about Rachel – how did we miss Friends’ Ross Geller and all his red flags growing up?! Even Lisa Kudrow has switched to Team Rachel.
I used to be a huge Ross and Rachel stan.
Maybe it was because Ross had been pining after Rachel since high school – the ‘geek’ who finally got his shot at the ‘It Girl’ when she stormed in Central Perk in a wedding dress in the very first episode.
Don’t we just love an underdog?
Ross played the nice guy: tall, handsome and a palaeontologist, something he would not shut up about. Good looks and intelligence? Perfect leading man material. Or so I thought.
What didn’t click when I was younger is that Ross had the emotional intelligence of a five-year-old. Whiney, possessive, a little girl-crazy, always the negative Nelly and relentlessly making everything about himself.
And I’m not alone on this. As fans have rewatched the show as adults with fully developed frontal lobes, his love-bombing, cheating and toxic ways have become so impossible to ignore, there’s even a whole reddit thread dedicated to Ross being an asshole to women.
Let’s get into it.
What Makes Ross Geller a Walking Red Flag:
He made a pros and cons list about dating Rachel – and listed her job as a waitress as a con
Ross was still with Julie when Rachel drunkenly confessed her feelings to him. Confused between staying with Julie or pursuing Rachel, he wrote a pros and cons list – cons included Rachel was ‘spoiled’ and that she was a waitress.
Yet he sabotaged her career growth every chance he got
Rachel landed her dream job as assistant buyer at Bloomingdale’s – a big moment where you’d expect a loving partner to celebrate with her. Instead, Ross was convinced her late nights at work meant she was sleeping with her colleague Mark. He got possessive, jealous and paranoid, showing up at her workplace unannounced with grand gestures of love that were really about marking his territory. Fast forward to the final season, Mark offered Rachel a dream job at Louis Vuitton in Paris – AFTER she’d been fired from Ralph Lauren as a single mum – and Ross chose that moment to profess his undying love for her and talk her off the plane.
He hooked up with someone else almost immediately after Rachel asked for a break
After Ross’ paranoia, jealousy and lack of boundaries finally got too much – including showing up at her work for an anniversary dinner while she told him she was handling a crisis – Rachel needed a break. He did not take this easily, and was in another woman’s bed within hours. My stomach was in knots watching Rachel come by his apartment the very next morning to patch things up, knowing he’d forced the other girl to hide behind the front door. He spent several seasons yelling “we were on a break!” rather than taking any accountability. Lisa Kudrow, who once sided with Ross on the debate, has since switched, telling Entertainment Tonight: “Ross was ridiculous. What a baby. You can’t plan a future with that guy.”
He kept a sex tape of him and Rachel without her knowledge – and only told her it existed to win an argument
When Ross and Rachel argued over who made the first move the night their daughter Emma was conceived, Ross said he could prove it through a videotape of the whole thing. He’d accidentally left the camera rolling while Rachel was over, kept the tape without telling her, and only revealed the footage when he needed evidence to prove she made the first move. What a weird ego thing not to let slide – if you made the first move or not – and the horrendous lengths he went to prove that.
He cheated on Bonnie to get back with Rachel
While away on a group beach trip, Ross kissed Rachel behind Bonnie’s back. Okay I’ll be honest and say Rachel was properly toxic too, for convincing Bonnie to shave her head because she wanted Ross back. That worked, because Ross was shallow enough to dump Bonnie after seeing her bald head. But Ross didn’t have to cheat, which is particularly rich for someone whose biggest insecurity was being cheated on.
He lovebombed Emily HARD into a whirlwind engagement – then said Rachel’s name at the altar (!!??)
Ross rushed into an engagement with Emily (being married was his entire personality). Then he said Rachel’s name at the altar in front of everyone. When Emily refused to speak to him (rightly so), he told her he’d still be waiting for her at the airport for their honeymoon to Athens. Emily didn’t show, Rachel did and Ross asked Rachel if she wanted to come instead. Rachel boarded the plane before she could see Emily arrive, and Ross chased after Emily, who saw the whole thing, leaving Rachel all alone in Athens. Who does that?!
He secretly refused to annul his marriage to Rachel
After a drunken Las Vegas wedding, Rachel wanted a quick annulment. Ross, terrified of yet another failed marriage on his record, lied to her about getting it sorted and leaving them legally married without her knowledge or consent.
Remember Mona? He hid Rachel’s pregnancy from her, gave her keys to his apartment then changed the locks and said “I love you” to avoid a hard convo
Ross didn’t tell his girlfriend Mona that Rachel moved into his apartment during her pregnancy. When Mona pushed for clarity on where their relationship was headed, he panicked and handed her a key to his apartment, then immediately changed the locks. When she kept pushing, he told her he loved her even though he didn’t, because it was the easiest way out of that conversation. And on Valentine’s Day, Mona found out Rachel had been living there the whole time. He was also lying to Rachel about the fact that he was lying to Mona. The SHEER AMOUNT of audacity this man had.
He dated a university student while he was her professor
Look, a student and teacher is an inappropriate age-gap relationship and a complete abuse of power. The university had rules against it for a reason.
His response to Rachel saying she only had “hungry animal sex” with Paolo was unhinged
When Rachel told Ross her connection with Paolo was purely physical, Ross reacted by lurking in the corner and flickering the lights, completely overridden with insecurity. (Emotional intelligence of a five-year-old, amirite?) Rachel kept saying what they had was real love, which is ultimately better. Also, god forbid a woman has a previous sex life.
He tried to kiss his cousin… remember that?!
In season 7, Ross was hosting his cousin Cassie at his place and ATTEMPTED to kiss her. I have nothing else to say on that matter. Weird, unnecessary storyline.
He ran a Rachel hate club in high school and told people she was a hermaphrodite
When Ross couldn’t get Rachel’s attention in high school, he thought the best way to channel those emotions was to be the co-founder of an anti-Rachel club and spread a rumour that she was hermaphrodite. Screams Manosphere behaviour. RED. FLAGS. ALL. OVER.
And lastly – he was also a terrible friend.
He constantly judged Joey and Phoebe’s lifestyles. He didn’t check on Joey after his breakup with Charlie, and immediately pursued Charlie for himself. Then he had the nerve to get angry when Joey pursued Rachel. Hypocrite. He kissed Chandler’s mum, and he famously blamed Chandler for all the weed his parents found in his room back in his university days.
And somehow, he still ended up with Rachel, who in her own right had such a strong character development. She deserved much better. Make it make sense.